Love and Loss

Before Daniel and I got married, Olivia and I went through a lot of roommates here in DC. One of them, who was only here for a semester and had long since moved back to Utah, had a little boy a few months older than Addison and Jackson. One month ago, he died in a tragic accident. I haven't been able to get my friend Julie and the passing of her little Jonah off of my mind or my heart. Not knowing what to do, I ended up writing her an email, trying to express my shared sorrow for her loss, imagining the unimaginable grief she must be feeling, assuring her that people thousands of miles away were mourning her loss with her, and gently reminding her that her sweet, bright, kind, happy little boy was being well taken care of in the tender arms of his Heavenly Father and with those in her family who have passed on before until she could be with him again.

*This was a good reminder to me that even if you don't know what to say in a given situation (and I certainly didn't), it is always good to reach out to someone in a time of sorrow. I had been thinking about her, and only after talking with Olivia about Julie's tragedy did I actually reach out to her--and I'm glad that I did.

She responded gratefully, that it was amazing to know people all over the world were grieving with her and her family. And that she'd felt an amazing peace not long after Jonah left this earth, and she knew that their bond was everlasting. And lastly, she wrote this to me:

"Being a mom is hard and exhausting, but I am grateful for the moments I listened to the spirit and stayed a little longer with Jonah and held him close and cherished being his mother."

I had tears streaming down my face as I read her response, sitting at my desk at work. How sad I was for Julie. At the same time, how grateful I am for my babies, and that they are healthy and happy. I try very hard to live in the moment with them--to be patient, to be present, to be kind and gentle, to give them all I have to give, and to enjoy all that they are and all that they're becoming--but it isn't always easy, with work and life and everything else that can get in the way. How much I appreciated the reminder from Julie to always cherish my babies, and to spend those special moments with them when I can.

Tonight, before we put them to bed, I tried to snuggle them for an extra minute--because I always want them to know how much I love them, because my heart is so full, and just because I could.